Mom of 3 shocked after husband says no to 10-year anniversary date because mother-in-law was too busy to babysit, then spends the day with her instead: 'Then I had to juggle word and parenting'

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Isabella Penn
Apr 13, 2025 2:00 PM EDT

Ten years of marriage is a long time. Not only does it take a lotttt of patience to share your entire live with another human, but it also takes effort to keep showing up for each other, especially when life gets busy with work, kids, and endless chores. The spark doesn't just keep itself alive. You have to keep dating each other, making time for the small things and remembering what made you fall in love in the first place. Growing up, my parents also did a thing they called present Fridays where they gave each other a small gift every Friday, even if it was just a candy bar.

But for one exhausted mom of three, her husband seemed to miss the memo big time. After asking him to carve out just a little time to celebrate their anniversary, he said no because his mother was supposedly too busy to babysit that week. But on the day of their anniversary, she found out he had made lunch plans… with his mom instead.

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  • "Husband made plans with MIL on our anniversary after saying she was too busy to babysit that day for a meal"

    My husband and I have been married over 10 years and rarely ever spend time together outside of parenting our 3 kids. Maybe 5 dates in the past 10 years, if that. My parents are estranged, his dad works
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  • a ton, and his mom prefers not to babysit much for whatever reason. She doesn't work but she keeps busy with crafting and socializing and appointments. We have celebrated very few anniversaries, and
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    Is it really the mom who refuses to babysit, or the husband who refuses to spend time with his wife?

  • this year I asked if he could ask MIL to babysit so we could have a lunch or dinner date. I WFH and he cares for our youngest, who will be starting prek in the Fall. So it could have been a lunch date while she
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  • watched our 3yo or the unlikely dinner date. where she would watch all 3 kids. My husband explained she would be busy all week packing and planning for an upcoming trip (4 hour drive away).
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  • Disappointing but no surprise. I didn't block my work calendar. Fast forward to our anniversary morning and he lets me know he and our youngest have made plans to go pick
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  • strawberries with his mom at lunch. And would I like to go. My calendar was full of meetings because | thought there had been no chance for us to grab lunch. Also thought his
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  • mom was way too busy to spend time with family that day, which is why he refused to ask her to take an hour of time for us to share a rare meal just the two of us. I cried and yelled at him for planning a date with his mom
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  • instead of his wife on our anniversary. And then I had to juggle work and parenting while he showered and got ready. I was furious and it honestly ruined my day.
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  • Today he maintains he did nothing wrong and that I "acted insane" just because he wanted to spend time with his mom (whom he saw just the night before our anniversary btw). What do you think? Am I
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  • overreacting or is it hurtful to not have wanted to make plans. with me, not been worth asking a favor, saying he wouldn't ask because she is much too busy... and then making plans with her on her busy day?
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  • Honestly it isn't lost on me that this is just a day in a loveless marriage. We both love our kids so much, and it's been so important to me for our kids to have parents who love and support them,
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  • are present for them, and who stay together. I love the dad he is, but it's been the loneliest romantic relationship I have ever had. For over a decade. Sometimes I mourn the feeling of being cherished. Of
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  • someone enjoying my company or cheering me on. Of not being frustrated and annoyed every time I speak. So a lot of that spewed out after I heard about the strawberries. And yeah
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  • maybe I way overreacted, but I just want to feel like a person who matters to my partner whom I have to interact with and compromise with every single day.
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  • Lumpy_Square_2365 I think this is just one of many things that have happened over the years and it's all coming to a head. I know you think it's important for the
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  • kids to have their parents together but it's more important to have happy parents whether that is together or apart. You're modeling a unhealthy relationship to the kids. Don't
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  • stay for their sake leave for both your sakes if you think that would make you happier. You only get one chance at life and kids grow up quick. If you would be happier without him that means you'll be able to enjoy the kids even more.
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  • Maybe look for a therapist and talk how you're feeling through to help you make a choice of what would make you happy.
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  • Chloe-vibes Girl, you are not overreacting. I get that parents need time with their kids, but on your anniversary?? He really
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  • said, "No, I can't ask my mom for an hour to help with the kids, she's busy," then turns around and plans a whole outing with her. That's wild. Like, I don't
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  • know what kind of anniversary celebration he was imagining, but picking strawberries isn't exactly the romantic lunch date you deserve. I get that he loves his mom, but
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  • where's the love for his wife? It's honestly heartbreaking how lonely you're feeling, and you deserve to feel cherished. Don't let him gaslight you into thinking you're crazy for wanting a little
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  • attention on a day that's supposed to be about your relationship. He needs to step it up.
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anniversary marriage drama kids wife parenting petty husband babysitting dad argument mother in law entitled family mom karma parents children
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